Love Each Other

I was pleasantly surprised when my daughter texted me Sunday morning and asked if I'd like to go shopping with her. She said Victoria's Secret was having a sale and she needed a few items and thought I might too. Having no other plans for the day except for laundry and vacuuming, I quickly replied yes. I was cooking bulk breakfast for the week; 2 years ago I would have been drinking wine while cooking, but thankfully not this morning!

This day had so many awesome moments. First, my daughter initiated the outing. Normally it's me asking her if she'd like to go out to lunch, etc. The simple fact that she asked me to do something is huge in my recovery process! My relationship with her is the relationship that I damaged the most during active addiction. The damage I caused has played a large role in my depression for the past 2 years. But I want to stress.. it's not her fault! I'm the one that took on the guilt and shame from the damage I caused.

We had a great lunch with holding hands to say grace and constant communication. Then on to shopping. We probably spent an hour or more in VS. Two years ago I would not have been able to do this. My anxiety would have made me desperate to leave; shopping has always triggered my anxiety. But thankfully, my medication and mindfulness techniques kept my anxiety down to only outwardly visible symptoms (shaky hands).

multi colored nails and new gratitude journal

After VS, we went to Ulta, Old Navy, and Barnes & Noble. We probably spent an hour in Ulta, trying out at least half of their tester products. I became her nail polish and perfume test model. She was looking for a specific nail polish and couldn't remember the name/exact color. So she pulled out four and tested them on my fingernails. She alternated spraying tester perfumes on her and me. By the time we left we smelled heavenly from the combination of scents and I had four differently painted nails :)

I haven't been to a book store in years. We used to go to Borders almost every Sunday after church/lunch, but then they closed at that location :(. Now I read via Kindle on iPhone and iPad. But entering Barnes & Noble with my daughter, I was transported back in time. Oh how rich the smell of books and coffee can transform and bring back sweet memories. We used to spend hours in the children's section; reading books and selecting ones to buy for later reading. And no wonder why I felt so much at home again; I tried to look up Borders to include a link and Barnes & Noble popped up instead.

I saw so many books on display that I've either read or want to read. One especially caught my eye; A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. I told my daughter that this was a great book. (She hates reading so I doubt she'll try it.) I read it 10 months ago and if I kept a top 10 all-time favorite book list, it would be on it. But what I noticed was how thick the actual book is. If I had seen it in the bookstore before I read it, I probably wouldn't have bought it based on number of pages, unless someone had strongly recommended it to me. But I had somehow stumbled across it from either Amazon Kindle deals or Good Read recommendations. I didn't notice/focus on the number of pages. I totally became absorbed into it.

My tranquil art desk

But my purpose now is not to write a book review but to reflect on how great it was to browse through the book store with my daughter. She picked up a gratitude prayer and praise coloring journal and said it looked like something I would like. Sooooo true! I had to buy it and began an entry/coloring later that night. This morning a news article caught my eye: This Artist Absolutely Nailed It With His Comics About Anxiety. It starts out talking about drawing or writing to heal anxiety symptoms. I don't have drawing skills but I use coloring, writing and mindful meditation as an anxiety escape.

In closing.. I am grateful that my daughter asked me to go shopping with her. I am also grateful that through medication and coping skills I was able to enjoy hours of shopping with her (2+ years ago I would not have been able to do this). I am grateful for the gratitude prayer and praise coloring journal that my daughter pointed out. I am grateful for the time we spent together. I am truly blessed.