Be patient and kind

"TWINS!", my teenage daughter squealed with a huge grin as we opened gifts to each other on Christmas. My main gift to her was a Fitbit Charge 2 in lavender/gold. Her main gift to me was a Fitbit Alta with black straps plus interchangeable dark purple straps (black, purple and blue are my favorite colors). She quickly set up her account and sent me a challenge for the Fitbit "Workweek Hustle". Game on!

I was overwhelmed that she had purchased such an expensive gift for me! I was giddy with excitement and felt like a kid again as I spent hours learning about the different features of my new toy. In addition to our work week step challenge I also began an individual adventure on Fitbit of the Yosemite Vernal Falls trail. This is soooo cool and motivational!

Now onto one of several aspects of how this ties into recovery.. 

[Background: My psychologist's current diagnosis for me is: Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety (DSM-IV-309.24), Generalized Anxiety Disorder (DSM-IV-300.02) and Alcohol Abuse-In Remission (DSM-IV-300.5).]

Shortly after my daughter arrived on Christmas, our dominate dog (boxer-mix puppy) barged in and I had to separate him again from our elderly dog. Trying to separate them skyrocketed my anxiety to semi-panic attack for the second time that day. I exhibited all of the panic attack symptoms except hyperventilation. I am guessing that my daily anti-anxiety medication was what kept it from becoming a need to seek additional medical attention.

I was still breathing heavily and shaking with anxiety as we started opening gifts to each other. My amazing daughter was so beautiful, patient, kind and calm. Her relaxed energy helped me to eventually settle. I was shaking so badly from the panic attack that I struggled with changing the straps and fastening her gift onto my wrist. I am grateful for her patient, kind and calm offering of help to change the straps and fasten it on my wrist while I simultaneously inwardly focused on trying to breathe slowly and mindfully. 

My next post will be regarding how creativity plays a role in my recovery process, as hinted from the picture posted here. Happy Holidays!

Daily Practices Goal Tracking

The slowness of my computer tonight is frustrating. In the past I would have been drinking a glass of wine and would have complete patience. But tonight I am sober and using some of the tools that I've learned in recovery to keep from going to the store for wine while I wait for it to upload photos from my iPhone.

Breathe mindfully.. Go make a cup of chamomile tea.. Eat dinner while I wait.. Success!

A few weeks ago I read a blog post titled 10 Daily Practices for Successful Addiction Recovery. It brought back memories of some of the things I learned while in treatment. Item #6 in the blog is making lists and creating a daily schedule each night.

I decided to try using an app for goal setting/tracking. For the past few weeks I've been using an app called Strides. The free version allows me to track up to ten items. For each item, I set the reminder option for a specific time each day. For example, the app sends me a notification/reminder to "Make Bed" at 7 a.m. and "Gratitude List" at 9 p.m. The app also shows current streak, best streak and percent of time the goal was completed.

There are many benefits out of the simple habit of making my bed each morning. Within minutes of getting out of bed, I have completed something on my To Do list! Once it's made, I'm not tempted to climb back in. I am happier when I'm in tidy environments.

The app just reminded me that it's time to complete my gratitude list for today. Which means that it is time to end this blog post. Take care!

Addiction: From Running to Embracing

Once upon a time, I proudly told friends and family that I was addicted to running. How else could I explain sticking to regimented training schedules and running marathons that involved mountains and freezing weather? Plus, there was no stigma attached to "running addiction".

Years later, after taking a break from marathon training, I denied that I had a different addiction. My addiction had shifted from running to alcohol to relieve stress. I was in total denial until the consequences started happening.

When it became blatantly obvious to me, I was too petrified to admit that I had an addiction to anyone outside of my immediate family, a few close friends, 12-step group, lawyer, psychiatrist and psychologist. As a child of an alcoholic, I knew too well the "stigma" associated.

Now I am ready to just be me; and be honest about it. "Rigorous honesty" and anonymity is prescribed by at least one 12-step program. The part I've struggled with is how can I be rigorously honest and anonymous at the same time? And how can I help anyone outside of that program if I remain anonymous?

The answer is still muddy, but I now know what path to take. I have experience with 12-step groups (AA and Celebrate Recovery), SMART Recovery, Women for Sobriety, rehab/treatment, psychiatrists, psychologists, recovery books and blogs and podcasts and articles. I do volunteer work with/for Navigate Recovery. I love my 25+ year career/job as a civil servant; but now is the time for me to give back even more. I plan to take courses to become a certified Recovery Coach and/or Addiction Counselor. I am grateful for this inspiration and experience to help others who struggle in the future!

Much love!